The Onion | And now, we imagine Arnold Schwarzenegger’s commentary on this video of Arnold Schwarzenegger pranking gym members


Basically, in this video, I play a character called “Howard.” This is a character who is not me. His name is Howard, and also he doesn’t look like me. I don’t have a mustache or long hair, because those are the things that Howard has—for the character. I had long hair in Conan once, but that was for another character in a movie. Conan was also not me. In this video the mustache and hair are fake, because I put those on and everyone will see those and think, “Who is this man? He looks physically very strong and fit, like maybe he’s Arnold Schwarzenegger. But he has a mustache, so he must be someone else.” And that is because he is Howard. But really I am Howard, which is the amazing thing we find out later on. Continue.